Halloween is here, and you know what that means. That’s right, it’s time to look for costumes to dress up, decorate your house with spooky ornaments, and if you’re still a kid at heart, you’ll be filling up your bag with loads of free candy from block to block. We would like to share our (possibly controversial) takes on the top 7 candies you can eat for Halloween, as well as the worst 7 candies you shouldn’t even THINK about entering your mouth.
Just a little disclaimer: This article is just for kicks and giggles. Don’t feel bad if your candy makes it on the worst candy list, these are just our comically inflated opinions on sweet treats, all preferences of candy are valid!
The good candies
Kit Kat
Now THIS is the hottest candy on the block. Kit Kat has the most delicious, smooth, sleek chocolate coat that lathers around this tasty treat, and works as a mouth-watering entré to the crispy wafer that lies below concealed under its beauty. Not only will this candy’s flavor make you ascend to another plane of existence, but it also promotes the honorable ideology of ‘sharing is caring’ with the genius design of being able to cleanly split (with no mess!) the Kit Kat if you would like to give an equal piece to a friend…or you can just split it and eat both pieces separately, after all, who doesn’t love the satisfying snap of breaking a Kit Kat bar? To add on to its greatness, Kit Kats has a variety of special flavors! They even have a Kit Kat that glows in the dark, perfect for Halloween.
M&Ms
The best classic candy out there, M&Ms are an iconic yummy snack that you’ll always find yourself craving. It’s super fun chewing on M&Ms, biting through the thin colored exterior shell and getting a rush of serotonin from the taste of the chocolate on the inside, and the packets always provide a plentiful amount of M&Ms in up to 6 different colors. On top of everything else, their mascots always leave a smile on people’s faces whenever we catch them in a commercial. Honestly, who doesn’t like M&Ms? I have yet to meet someone who doesn’t love its well-rounded flavor and crunch.
Smarties
This delightful sweet candy with 15 tiny sugar-charged pellets is a must-have if you plan on chowing down on the best candies in history on Halloween Night. Coming in 6 different flavors, Smarties are a small fun treat that you can pop in your mouth and crunch on, as well as being another goodie that you can share with your friends all around. Smarties are gluten-free, dairy-free, nut-free, and fat-free, and are also considered vegan with no animal products inside of them. Way to go Smarties!
Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
CALLING ALL PEANUT BUTTER LOVERS! YOUR SOULMATE CANDY HAS ARRIVED! This is the best masterpiece of chocolate and peanut butter combined to ever bless us mere mortals with its presence. Uniquely shaped like a dish with detailed curves on its side, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups never fails to melt someone down to the floor as they taste the refreshing sweet chocolate coat that cleanly covers the cup all around, and causes a burst of euphoric excitement when you reach its creamy sugared peanut butter core. The texture is magnificent, and you get both a fair amount of chocolate and peanut butter in each bite.
Twix
How can something be so deliciously gooey yet have such an enjoyable crunch at the same time? Meet Twix; A crunchy cookie dipped in the best sweet milk chocolate you’ve ever had in your life, intertwined with a layer of creamy caramel that leaves your mouth speechless to its lush flavor. It’s a nice twist from all the other basic chocolate candy bars and will always leave you wanting more. As for which one is better, left or right Twix, why don’t you try the two and see for yourself? (They taste the same, but wouldn’t it be nicer to have two Twix than just one?)
100 Grand
The underrated KING of Halloween candy. An unknown LEGEND. You may ask “what even is a 100 Grand bar?” It’s a log of delicious chewy caramel, coated in chocolate and crispy rice (the same thing in Crunch bars). Who knew this amazing combo would go so well together? The rich and chewy caramel is abundant, and every time you take a bite your mouth will fill with the flavors of the delectable caramel. On top of that, the crispy rice in the chocolate adds a beautiful contrast of crunch to the smooth caramel. While you may have ignored this absolute legend in the past, try picking one up this Halloween. You won’t be disappointed.
Heath Bar
Toffee may be associated with little British boys, but toffee is actually an underrated filling for a chocolate bar. A crunchy slab with a caramel like flavor, usually with nuts, makes for an amazing filling in chocolate. While this may sound like an expensive chocolate you may find at See’s Candy, there is actually a common Halloween candy with this exact description: the Heath Bar. A crisp and crunchy candy bar with an amazing sweet toffee hidden beneath the layer of chocolate on top. The toffee has almonds in it, so it adds a nice nutty flavor. I guess you can say I’m NUTS for Heath bars.
The bad candies
Twizzlers/Red Vines
Twizzlers are just like licorice; however, they aren’t any better than actual licorice. The only real difference between the two is that a Twizzler doesn’t have the earthy taste that regular licorice has. In its place, it has a disgusting mediocre strawberry flavor that isn’t memorable or likable AT ALL. Even worse, the texture of Twizzlers are waxy like ear wax. Eating a Twizzler is the equivalent of eating a strawberry scented candle, and why would you even do that?
York Peppermint Patties
I would rather squeeze a whole tube of toothpaste into my mouth than let my tongue graze against a sliver of york peppermint patty. If you like york peppermint patties, you should consider starting your plans for retirement and saving in your 401K. No person with an ounce of childish glee would consider eating these as they have the two most appalling features a candy could have: dark chocolate and mint. EWW. A York Peppermint Pattie is like a slab of toothpaste dipped in dark chocolate; if you already brushed your teeth today, do you really need that extra toothpaste?
Blow Pops
Blow Pops are probably… no, ARE the worst lollipops you could receive on Halloween night. The lollipop candy itself tastes like cough medicine and is very sticky. The “feature” of blow pops is that they have gum in the core of the lollipop, but this gum SUCKS and is barely noticeable. Has anyone even been able to blow a bubble with this? To make matters worse, if you have protective parents (like me), parents don’t like them since they’re an easy candy to poison. I think we can all agree that blow pops really do blow (derogatory).
Almond Joys
I’m sorry coconut lovers, but you guys flopped with this one. Not only does this look like a disgusting piece of hot garbage when you split it in half to peer into its sticky insides, but it’s a terrible combination of almonds and coconuts…like, what? Whose “bright” idea was it to combine the two? Almonds aren’t even that praised as a nut among the public anyway. They think they can get away with it by sloppily smothering it in some thin layer of chocolate, but that’s not enough to fool one’s eyes of its quality. As if this sad excuse of a candy couldn’t get any worse, the ingredient of coconut is way down on the list, whereas corn syrup is on top. Yikes.
Laffy Taffy
Normal Laffy Taffies are alright as a chewy candy. The fruity flavors work well with the taffy, except for one. Banana. This candy is SO two-faced. It claims to be a “banana” flavor, but it doesn’t actually taste like a modern banana. Even worse, the old-fashioned banana flavor sucks as well. So it doesn’t provide an accurate flavor nor a good flavor? That sounds like a doo-doo water candy to me.
Hot Tamales
Who invited cinnamon to the party? Cinnamon DOES NOT work with candy ESPECIALLY if it’s the main flavor. Even in baked goods like cinnamon rolls, cinnamon isn’t the main flavor, so who thought this would be a good idea? Ever seen that cinnamon challenge on TikTok where people look like they have the curse of the pharaoh spitting out sand? Eating a hot tamale is just like this. This candy is basically just a jellybean gone wrong. Every time I take a bite, my tongue wants to jump out of my mouth and flop to the floor so I never have to taste its horrible flavor ever again. Hot tamales really aren’t that hot after all.
Flavored Tootsie Rolls
While regular chocolate Tootsie Rolls are a decent candy, their flavored counterparts are something else. Who thought that taking a creamy rich chocolate taffy candy and taking away the chocolate would ever make society happy? They were perfectly fine before they decided to add this twisted twist. While the fruity ones are decent (I think they taste like regular fruit-flavored taffy) the vanilla ones are HORRENDOUS. It retains the creamy taffy of the original Tootsie Roll, but takes away the one part that makes a tootsie roll a tootsie roll: the chocolate. And who wants to eat a mildly watered down milk taffy? No one. Please, do not eat these.
Now that you know what candy to look out for and what candy to avoid, you can rest assured knowing that you’ll have the best trick or treating experience ever (thanks to us). Happy Halloween everyone, hope you all get a bunch of your favorite candy on the 31st!